Letter To Cora { Spamalot }

[fadingspark]

To the girl who stole my son's heart,

Or boy. I mean, I don't want to think that my son is going to spend his life one way or the other, it's just that I will only know him as a child, and so far he has only shown an interest in girls, but you never know - the right person may be in any shape or form on this Earth, and I pray he will always stay open minded to everything in life.

I'm already messing this letter up. I'm sorry, but this is a very hard letter for me to write, but I didn't want to leave this world without at least being able to say hello to you. It's hard to sit here, penning this and looking over at the eight year old laying on the floor in the next room teaching himself multiplication on whatever website he discovered this week on my laptop. As I'm sure you've learned by now, my son is a very special soul. There's a spark in him that I hope hasn't died out by the time he finds you. Every day he is a constant source of love, laughter, and energy that fills my cup over, and I hope that he will do the same for you.

The reason I'm not here to meet you myself is that I've been diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia. I have had it since I was a teenager, but in the last few years it has gotten worse. The doctors had a theory that my pregnancy worsened the conditions, but I don't believe that, and even if so, I would never not want to have my family as it is now. But I need you to be aware that this is a hereditary disease, and my son, and any children you two may have biologically, are at risk for it. John will be able to give you access to my medical records, and if not him, show this letter to my best friend, Melissa McCall, and she will get it for you.

I don't know if he will ever learn about the things my doctor has said, but this little boy is a very smart cookie and gets into a lot of things he shouldn't, so he may. Never let him think that my death was his fault. I love him with all my heart, and I will watch over him for the rest of his life - I may even be looking down on you right now while you read this.

I hope that didn't come off as being too creepy. I have a very bad addiction to horror and science fiction movies, and Nicholas Sparks books. I apologize now for the impact that may have on my son and his tastes for any date night you may have had to suffer through.

What I really want to tell you though is that he has a very big heart, and he loves people deeply, completely, with his entire soul. It may seem like a lot to take in, and please don't let that scare you away from him. He gets this from his father, and it's impossible not to look into a pair of Stilinski brown eyes and not feel that love encompass your entire heart and soul. Just let him love you, and I promise that you will come to know the best of what love can bring you.

He may still be a hyperactive klutz who talks a mile a minute and makes wild hand gestures because he can't hold back the energy he puts into everything he does, and I hope this is the version of my son you get to meet. He's not perfect by any means, and he takes after me way more than he will ever know, but I think God puts us on this planet because it isn't the perfect people that make it special, but us weird ones that make you see the imperfections that color the world. And I pray that you've come to love him for those quirks, and that in some strange way, they fill in the cracks in your world and make it complete.

I know you already love my son, so I don't need to ask that from you. I just ask for you to please protect him from all the slings and arrows that life will throw at him. The downfall to having an open heart is that it's very easy for it to be broken. I already fear what my inevitable departure will do to both of the men in my life, and I hope my John is able to find love again. Please remind him every day that he is loved, and I promise you, my dear, sweet friend - he will make sure you never are without your share of love in life. Remind him that he is special, and that there is no one else in the world like him. Hold him when he has his nightmares - he's prone to them - and humming softly in his ear will always relax him back to sleep.

And if he starts to suffer as I did... tell him that it's not his fault that he has to leave the world earlier than planned, but that sometimes God thinks we work better in Heaven and I'll be here waiting to show him the ropes. But I pray that this disease ends with me and he, your children, and theirs, will never have to live through this.

Just thinking of you being in his life, no matter what shape or form you are, at least gives me some solace. Take care of my little boy, and I look forward to meeting you a long time from now so I can thank you in person.

Love,

Claudia.